I haven't been this sober since birth.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize