i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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