Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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