Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Holy sore nipples Batman
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
