you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
