we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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