i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
