I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The best revenge is premature balding
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
