They should really pass out barf bags in church
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
