Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I have aggressive nipples.
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