it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
