i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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