Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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