Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
