Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just cropdusted the office
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
