Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize