I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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