Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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