If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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