um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
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Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
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I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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