I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
