I heard we made out
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
