Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
