just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
and she was petting her beer can
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
