Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
