hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
