oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
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im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
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I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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