of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize