if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
