he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
