You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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