at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
