I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
