Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.