I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever