it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
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My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
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She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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