There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
