I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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