that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
