so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
