Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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