Only a mothe r could love this liver
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You are a genius and a whore.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
