ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
