Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
