I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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