and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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