i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
