Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
