you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
