Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
