i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
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My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
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I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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