thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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