An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
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My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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