My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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