She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
