Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
