Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
