Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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