I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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