we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
