When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
